Sharon Grace fights back against one of the most horrific, unspeakable acts forced upon children too young to fight back for themselves in her book, When The Trust Is Broken. Ultimately, her message distills itself down to five powerful words: help prevent child sexual abuse.
She pulls us into the heart of her own family, describing the precise moment when their world shatters with the knowledge that her four year old granddaughter has been a victim of sexual abuse.
Her success in telling this many-layered, true story, while preserving the privacy of her family, is evident in the clarity of her prose: her writing style is calm yet purposeful; her message both intimate and far-reaching. Sharon Grace's goal is to call attention to and forever stop this dispicable activity.
We can help her by starting with one simple act: reading her book.
Grace's opening remarks, placed opposite the first page of the prologue, take us inside a court room in the early summer of 2007. Without any details, we understand that "what was done" to a little girl has reached a very public conclusion. Regardless of whatever else we are told, what Sharon says to Michael Bennett and what lies behind her statement will relentlessly echo throughout her book.
I will never forget the look on my granddaughter's face when she told me about the 'bad man' and what you did to her. - Sharon Grace to Michael Bennett, Monroe County Court, June 13, 2007.
And, then, she backs up to the night in September, to "That single moment (that) changed our lives forever." (Prologue, Pg 2.)
We sit in the living room with Sharon and her family, watching televison with them, sharing that surreal moment of knowing, followed by disbelief.
Details of what happened are deliberately withheld. What we know is that a man has been arrested following allegations of not just one instance of sexual molestation, but of multiple instances of sexual abuse. His victims? Young children attending the Pepper Hill Day Care Center, in Penfield, NY.
"When I turned to look at my four-year-old granddaughter Chloe, I realized she was paralyzed with fear. She seemed terrified by what she had seen on TV. The expression on her face told me immediately that something was terribly wrong. Instantly, all of the signs from the past months made sense to me." (Pg. 2)
In a split second, not only does Sharon realize that her granddaughter is one of the victims, but she recognizes that if she (Chloe's nana) had known just a few of the behavioral clues that present in very young children of abuse, she might have been able to stop what court records would later reveal had been a pattern of sexual abuse.
It is this powerful message - that we need to know what child behaviors to look for that red flag child sexual abuse - that spurs Sharon to be proactive in the days, months and years to follow.
As we try to make sense of what Sharon has just revealed, she shifts gears. Stepping back from the incident itself, Sharon begins Chapter One writing about the issue of trust, reminding us that it is the glue in the fabric of life; without it " ...our society would fall apart." (Pg. 3)
The story she leads with is her own. Chapters one - four weave Sharon's own personal history into the larger themes of her book. She says, "Every family struggles with some type of dysfunction. I believe that no matter who you are, where you live, or what you have, at some point in your life, everyone is challenged by the unexpected." (pg. 4)
Everyone is challenged by the unexpected.
This becomes a story that unfolds on two levels. The first and more obvious is the sexual victimization of Sharon's granddaughter. The second and equally compelling message is that we are all victims of tragedy at some point in our lives. By deliberately turning the spotlight on herself, Sharon opens a conversational doorway that she can walk through with her granddaughter when the time is right. And, on a larger scale, she gives her readers that same opening to initiate similar conversations with their loved ones.
What Sharon reveals is that despite growing up in a household "plagued by alcohol issues," (pg 9), her own belief that she could find happiness as a wife and mother never wavered. From a very young age, Sharon recognized her deep love for children and her desire to have her own family.
Does she "get it right" when she marries at the age of nineteen?
No. But, she doesn' quit. She describes herself as " ... a single mom with two small children and a fractured fairy tale for a life." (Pg. 9) Despite feeling guilty and ashamed and worried about what other people would think, she moves on.
She creates a fulfilling yet challenging life for herself and for her children; marrying for the second time, having a third child. An accidental fire destroys the family home. Before Sharon finds herself at a place in her life where family and career stabilize, she will divorce her second husband, overcome serious health issues, and close the doors on the hair salon business that she operated for 13 years.
Ultimately, when it seems as if she's lost everything, Sharon finds herself again in the voice of her youngest child, Blake. "Mommy, you are so sad. If you don't go back to work, I can't go to school, and I will never see my friends again." (Pg. 25)
Although there have been many moments of truth in Sharon's story up to now, this is her watershed moment. "I couldn't change what had already happened in our lives, but I now know how much I needed to change my attitude." (Pg. 26)
Although there are no miraculous (instantaneous) changes in her life, Sharon and her three children move forward with their lives. The kids grow up, Sharon carves out a career as a national educator for an international company in the beauty industry, and, by her own admission, meets and marries "her soul mate." (Pg. 33)
Just when you think your children are safe, think again.
Time passes. Sharon watches as her own children marry and have children of their own. She takes on the role of grandmother (nana) with heartfelt joy.
And then, it happens.
Two seemingly disparate events explode simultaneously, shattering the core of Sharon's family. A local television news broadcast spools out in words and pictures the story of a man arrested for suspected sexual abuse of children. Something in this broadcast triggers an immediate emotional outburst from Sharon's four year old granddaughter.
In that split second, knowledge is both a crushing blow and a source of strength.
As Sharon tries to absorb the magnitude of this moment, it dawns on her that some of her granddaughter's recent, unexplicable behavior, now makes chilling sense.
Moving away from the details of what happens next, this awareness will be the galvanizing push that Sharon uses to re-direct her life's purpose. The questions that bombard her as she sits in front of the television, fiercely holding her granddaughter, are just the beginning.
What could we have done to prevent this?
Where was the supervision?
Why had we not recognized any of the signs that were right in front of us? (Pg. 64)
Sharon describes what she and her family will experience from this point forward as an exercise in "connecting the dots" (Pg. 64). Together, they learn to naviagate the legal system as they seek out protection for this child and prosecution for her attacker.
Quite simply, Sharon's message is: no more. Not another child. Her platform is awareness which leads to knowledge, education which leads to empowerment, and listening, as a means to begin the healing process.
All of this said, be forever warned. Don't think it can't happen to you.
Because it can.
Please note: a portion of profits from the sales of When The Trust is Broken, by Sharon Grace will benefit Habitat For Humanity, The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children and The Bivona Child Advocacy Center.
Recent Comments